Wednesday, July 19, 2017

The Problem With The Burden Of Gratitude

By Elizabeth Wallace

When we are at our darkest hour, some people will offer to help us get back on our feet. Unfortunately, not everyone who offers assistance does so with a giving heart, and they may even be attempting to manipulate us for their own benefit. It is not very difficult for a person to get what they want out of us when they feel we owe them because of the burden of gratitude.

Even the simple act of going on dates can bring an unwitting individual into such a scenario. Customarily, the man has always paid for the dates, leaving the female a sense of indebtedness to him. Many unscrupulous men will use this fact to manipulate a woman into sex, claiming that she owes him for the money he has spent on her.

In modern relationships it is not uncommon for women to pay for their own meals, at least in the beginning. In fact, this is recommended for many young women in order to avoid these date-rape scenarios where a man might try to convince her that she owes him sex. If this means that the girl cannot afford to date, this is better than feeling obligated to give sex as payment for a meal.

Churches may use this same tactic to draw in new members. When a church gives food, clothing, shelter, or money to homeless people, there should be no requirement for that person to attend services. However, such services are held out as a requirement for anyone who pursued help in this way, and this is a perfectly legal thing for them to do.

Parents who use free housing or child care as leverage over their adult children are guilty of the same thing. It is not legal for them to require grown children to adhere to curfews, but they will do exactly that in order to keep control of where there children go or who they see in their spare time. These restrictions are manipulative, and no parent should try to force rules on adults in order to control them.

Many people who offer help to others do so with negative motives. The people who are most ready to help us are not always those who want to see us succeed. Some people will even offer help just to get an inside peek into our lives so they can spread negative gossip.

Anyone who offers to help their friends should evaluate their own motives when they make such offers. We must be willing to get from a place of generosity, and not because we want to get something out of them for ourselves. Assistance or money given should never be done with the intention of getting repaid, or laid.

Everyone needs assistance at different points in their lives, so we are all vulnerable to being manipulated at that time. In our greatest times of need, sometimes it is better to seek the assistance of strangers. Co-workers, friends, family, and especially exes may not really be helping us in a way that sees to our own best interests.

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